Numerous noise – missiles and explosions, the sound of drones, shouting and wailing, screams of “martyr, martyr”. The breaking of glass, slamming doorways, collapsing buildings, fires blazing, thunder, lightning, wind, gasps of demise, darkness, and ashes. All of them are nonetheless in my head.
I left Gaza virtually a yr in the past, however these photos and sounds are nonetheless haunting me. I left every part behind – my house, my pals, my prolonged household – however couldn’t shed the echoes of the battle.
Right here, in Cairo, I hold reliving the trauma of what I had seen, heard and felt within the first 4 months of the battle in Gaza.
Once I hear the sound of an aeroplane within the sky, my coronary heart races in worry, considering it’s a warplane. Once I hear the sound of fireworks, I panic, imagining them to be bomb explosions.
I used to assume exile would convey security and peace, but it surely turned out to be an extension of the battle.
The demise and destruction occurring in Gaza nonetheless dominate our lives. The sorrow, ache, and battle for survival that we thought we had left behind nonetheless observe us.
We don’t reside in a tent flooded by rain and we aren’t ravenous; the sound of bombs isn’t actual – it is just the echoes of recollections in our minds. However we nonetheless reside in distress.
My father, the breadwinner of our household, couldn’t discover a job for months. When he did, it paid a meagre wage. We face mounting debt and can’t afford primary requirements.
In the meantime, we now have stayed totally immersed within the horror of Gaza. The bombardment, the mass killing, the struggling in torn-up tents – it streams to us on messaging apps hour by hour.
All of the Palestinian pals I’ve right here appear to be in the identical state of affairs – residing in ache and despair, besieged by the battle.
“I want I had died with them as a substitute of residing,” my good friend Duaa instructed me not too long ago. Her household despatched her to Cairo quickly after the beginning of the genocide to finish her research in peace. “I had a sense I wouldn’t see them once more once I mentioned goodbye,” she mentioned, sobbing.
A couple of days after she arrived in Egypt, considering life had granted her a greater alternative to check overseas, she tried to contact her household to test on them however obtained no response. Nervousness consumed her till she obtained the devastating information of their martyrdom.
The ache was insufferable and he or she failed her research. To this present day, she struggles to pay the hire for her house and instructed me her landlord would quickly evict her as a result of she hadn’t paid. She is an orphan, alone in exile, and will quickly develop into homeless, too.
One other good friend, Rawan, had been finding out in Egypt for a couple of years earlier than the battle began, dreaming of a vivid future. On October 10, 2023, an enormous explosion destroyed her home, killing her total household. Solely her mom, who miraculously survived regardless of extreme accidents, and her married sister, who lived in one other home, are left.
Rawan instructed me she missed her father’s encouraging messages, the help of her brothers Mohammed and Mahmoud, and the harmless laughter of her sister Ruba. She by no means accomplished her schooling. She has develop into a shadow of herself.
Nada, one other good friend, is in Cairo together with her sister. The women needed to go away their mother and father and brother behind in Gaza, as their names weren’t on the checklist of individuals allowed to undergo the Rafah crossing.
In Cairo, Nada felt misplaced, alienated, and afraid. She tried to use once more for her mother and father and brother to journey, however the occupation stormed Rafah and closed the crossing. At the moment, she instructed me that she felt like all of the doorways of life closed in her face.
Nada and her sister reside alone, with out the help of family, and battle. The stress and disappointment have taken a toll. Nada has misplaced plenty of weight and now says she appears like a skeleton.
She has instructed me harassment and worry of kidnapping have made them reluctant to depart the house they’re staying in.
“We yearn for our previous lives in each element,” she says.
We do, however we additionally know that our previous lives have been misplaced. Even when the battle ends, nothing will ever return to the way in which it was. Nothing will compensate us for that bitter loss.
The ceasefire taking impact at present is meant to place a cease to the preventing, however it’s unclear if it is going to finish the battle. Greater than 120 individuals have been killed since Wednesday when it was introduced. And we all know extra will die as a result of circumstances is not going to enhance. Gaza is now not match to reside in.
Even when there may be lasting peace, the Israeli authorities will set its personal circumstances to proceed the blockade and harassment of the inhabitants. Reconstruction – if it takes place – will proceed for a few years. That is why we, as a household, have decided to start out constructing a brand new life in exile regardless of the challenges we face.
The views expressed on this article are the writer’s personal and don’t essentially mirror Al Jazeera’s editorial stance.
