I’ve been excited about writing a will.
I didn’t count on to really feel demise so near me. I used to say demise comes abruptly, we don’t really feel it, however throughout this battle, they made us really feel every little thing … slowly.
We endure earlier than it occurs, like anticipating your home to be bombed.
It could nonetheless be standing for the reason that begin of the battle, however that feeling of concern stays inside you. This concern has worn my coronary heart down, until I really feel like it might’t deal with something extra.
Because the starting of the battle, I’ve been fighting the Israeli military being so near us. I keep in mind the second tanks entered from the Netzarim space, and I despatched a message to all my pals, shocked: “How did they enter Gaza? Am I dreaming?!”
I used to be ready for them to withdraw from Gaza, for it to be free once more, like we had all the time recognized it. Now they’re so near the place I’m, in al-Fukhari, east of Khan Younis and north of Rafah. It’s the purpose the place Khan Younis ends and Rafah begins.
They’re so shut, forcing us to listen to terrifying explosions each second, making us endure these infinite sounds.
This battle is totally different, so totally different from what I’ve skilled earlier than.
Bear in mind my story
I don’t wish to be a quantity.
That has been caught in my head since I noticed martyrs being known as “unknown individuals” or positioned in mass graves. A few of them are even physique elements that couldn’t be recognized.
Is it doable that every one it will say on my shroud can be “a younger lady in a black/blue shirt”?
Might I die as an “unknown individual”, only a quantity?
I would like everybody round me to recollect my story. I’m not a quantity.
I’m the lady who studied for highschool and college beneath distinctive circumstances when Gaza was beneath a really tight siege. I accomplished college and seemed for work in every single place to assist my father, who was exhausted by the siege and had misplaced his job a number of instances.
I’m the eldest daughter in my household, and I wished to assist my father and for us to have a great residence to dwell in.
Wait… I don’t wish to neglect something.
I’m a refugee. My grandparents have been refugees who have been pressured by the Israeli occupation to depart our occupied land in 1948.
They moved to the Gaza Strip and lived within the Khan Younis refugee camp, west of the town.
I used to be born in that camp, however the Israeli military didn’t let me proceed my life there.
They demolished our home in 2000, and we have been left with out shelter for 2 years. We moved from one uninhabitable home to a different, till UNRWA gave us one other home in 2003 in al-Fukhari.
That fantastic space, with all of the farmland, the place we tried to construct a life within the neighbourhood that was named “European Housing”, after the European Hospital positioned there.
The home was small, not sufficient for a household of 5, with a father and a mom. It wanted additional rooms, a lounge, and the kitchen wanted work.
We lived there for about 12 years anyway, and as quickly as I may, I began working in about 2015 to assist my father.
I helped him make the home snug to dwell in. Sure, we achieved that, but it surely was so laborious. We completed constructing our residence simply three months earlier than October 7, 2023.
Sure, practically 10 years I spent rebuilding it piece by piece in accordance with our monetary capacity, and we simply managed to complete it proper earlier than the battle.
When the battle got here, I used to be already exhausted, from the siege and the problem of life in Gaza. Then the battle got here to fully drain me, put on down my coronary heart and make me lose my focus.
I get up operating
Because the starting of the battle, we’ve been combating for one thing.
Preventing for survival, combating to not die from starvation or thirst, combating to not lose our minds from the horrors we witness and expertise.
We attempt to survive by any means. We’ve gone by way of the displacement – in my life, I’ve lived in 4 homes, and each home ended up close to bombardment by the Israeli military.
We don’t have a protected place to be. Earlier than the ceasefire, we lived 500 days of sheer terror.
What I didn’t do in the course of the battle, sadly, was cry. I attempted to remain robust and stored my disappointment and anger inside, which exhausted my coronary heart and weakened it much more.
I used to be constructive and supportive of everybody round me. Sure, the individuals from the north will return. Sure, the military will withdraw from Netzarim. I wished to provide everybody power, whereas inside me there was nice weak point I didn’t wish to present.
I felt that if it confirmed, I’d perish on this terrifying battle.
The ceasefire was my nice hope for survival. I felt like I had made it. The battle was over.
When individuals puzzled: “Will the battle return?” I confidently replied, “No, I don’t suppose it’ll. The battle is over.”
The battle did return, and nearer than ever to me. I lived the continual concern introduced on by unending shelling. They used each form of weapon towards us – rockets, shells from planes and tanks. The tanks stored firing, surveillance drones stored flying; every little thing was terrifying.
I haven’t actually slept for over per week. If I go to sleep, I’m woken up by the sound of explosions and get up operating. I don’t know the place I’m making an attempt to go, however I run by way of the home.
Within the fixed panic, I put my hand on my coronary heart, questioning if it will stand up to rather more.
That’s why I despatched a message to all my pals, asking them to speak about my story in order that I’d not simply be a quantity.
We live by way of insufferable days because the Israeli military destroys the neighbourhood round me. There are various households nonetheless residing right here. They don’t wish to depart as a result of displacement is exhausting – bodily, financially, and mentally.
The primary displacement I keep in mind was the one in 2000, after I was about eight years previous.
Israeli military bulldozers got here into the Khan Younis camp and destroyed my uncle’s home and my grandfather’s. Then, for some motive, they stopped at our home.
So we left. It was Ramadan, and my dad and mom figured we may come again later. They discovered a dilapidated shell of a home for us to shelter in, quickly, they thought.
I couldn’t bear the concept we had misplaced our residence, so I’d run again to the home the place all these stunning reminiscences with my grandparents have been, and I’d seize a number of issues to take again to my mom.
The Israeli military demolished our home the night time earlier than Eid, and me and my household went there on the primary day of Eid al-Fitr. I keep in mind celebrating Eid on the rubble, sporting my new Eid outfit.
The Israeli military doesn’t allow us to preserve something; it destroys every little thing, leaving us with nothing however sorrow in our hearts.
I don’t know what the longer term holds if the world doesn’t save us from this terrifying military.
I don’t know if my coronary heart will stand up to these infinite sounds any extra. Don’t ever neglect me.
I’ve fought laborious for my life. I’ve labored laborious, as a journalist and a instructor for 10 years, dedicating myself.
I’ve college students I like and colleagues with whom I’ve stunning reminiscences.
Life in Gaza has by no means been simple, however we find it irresistible, and we will’t love some other residence.
